Today is one of those days where I'm not sure how to spend my time and the more I do it seems the more I'm wasting my time. I'm still in my pajamas because nothing I'm doing today requires me to look presentable and I need a shower but I'm not willing to commit to that much energy exertion yet. I made coffee, made some calls, looked up scholarships that require a lot of thinking about things I don't like or care about - essays on what country poses the largest nuclear threat to N. America. But there was one fun one. It was from OP Loftbeds. They would give you $500 for telling them your most embarassing moment, or creating a new word and using it in a sentence, and telling them how a loftbed would improve your living situation. That's funny. That might cover two classes. I'm on my way.
Today for lunch I tried to make something hot ..like a real meal, something good for me. The chicken turned out dry and the rice like little pebbles in my mouth. Did I not read the directions right?

This day has been amusing and I still have hope that I will accomplish something.
And another funny thing...last night that guy in my last post was in my dream for a split second. (Shawn White/flying tomato) I haven't even thought about the olympics since they happened, but I was at a party and I turned around and there was this big head over my shoulder with fluffy red hair and I just remember telling him I watched the whole olympics this year. He laughed and was glad about that.

I gotta say, this is one of the weirdest times ever in my life. I just decided to leave the ministry I've been working for the 6 years or so and I have no plan. I will lose my insurance and my paycheck and I don't know how I will pay my bills. Here's the deal: I'm trying to live what I've been saying I believe - that people should find what makes them come alive and then do it, work it into life because we need to keep our hearts alive to live who we were fully created to be. Know your heart and treat it well. Go for it even if it doesn't make sense. I would give this advice to anyone who was choosing between something good and purposeful and safe and something that was a little nuts without a plan, but that made their heart come alive. So why is it so scary to do it myself? Because I like to feel safe, taken care of and have a plan. I barely even have a resume. My skills are leading Bible studies and mentoring. That's funny. Like I can put that on a resume and get a real job. hahhhaaaa. So for now my best idea is ReCollections. www.recollectionsonline.com I filled out an appl. and gave it to them Tuesday. I'll see if I can make this work, but I don't think it'll cover bills. I want to do creative things - this is what inspires me, but have no trained skills in this. It's something I'll have to work on. Like Sonny Deavors says, "If you find a job you love, you never have to work a day in your life." But Frannie says it took him a long time to find it. Just like it took God 25 years to give Abraham his son. But he and Sarah both laughed at God because it seemed so absurd by that point. Is this comforting or sick? I'm not sure. I like Mr. Sonny and he made it. I'm still choosing to believe God has something, but I can't say it's not scaring the pants off me.

Does anyone else wanna hang out with this guy?

jambi

Sometimes I wish I could have a box like the one Pee Wee Herman had with the talking head.








But instead it would be God's head.
That's what I'd like this morning. To talk to God face to face and ask him some questions and have Him talk back to me. I guess I'd rather him not be in a box, but wouldn't it be weird to see God sitting on a couch or in a coffee shop. Seems too irreverent or something for him to have legs. Unless he's Jesus.
I'd ask Him what I'm supposed to do.
..and maybe to get a sneak peek at heaven.

just when you think you're on top of your game you find out the progress you just made on an insurmountable detestable task has been erased. It's not $750 I have to raise, it's $1500.
a month.

sleepy, coffee, dry cereal we're out of milk. Can't seem to get going today. been home from Siberia as long as I was there. Seems like I just got home. the faces were so sweet, the kisses and hugs, the little babies, the big grandmas. i loved it. i had my own personal translator, Marina. at the end she gave me a ring that i'm wearing now on my russian wedding finger, right hand. it says gospodi, spaci i cohryani menya. it means Lord, save and keep me. i like it. it reminds me. russia is a place where part of me stays. and i can't access it at home. it's like a puzzle piece that only fits over there and when i'm over here it's out. i guess not that i'm incomplete when here, but there is an experience i've had and i cannot reconnect with it until i return. when i'm there i feel like i got a piece of my heart recovered, things i love that were a part of my life at another time. it feels good to recover and remember. and then to drink it in, to take in every scent of it, every look on their faces, every tone in their voice, every flavor and sound. bottle it up until next time. i like to think that if i never return there on this earth that i will return to it in heaven. that's the thought deep down in my heart every time I leave. it makes it less strange to leave.